Road Movies

The Chicago gig this past Saturday night was the last of a two-week run. It was a good gig, although for the first half the bar crowd had their noisy Sat. nite drunk on. (We have gotten some complaints in the inbox…very sorry about that!)

After the hit, we unwound in the dressing room. Dramatis personae: JD=James Diers, EI=Ethan Iverson, DK=David King.

EI: (Reading a copy of The Onion.) Ok.

JD: What do you got.

EI: (Raging, furious.) Goddamn RV, man! Have you seen that poster? Straight from 1982. This is not a 2006 film! It is from the stone age of family comedy, with that bad photo-shopped RV perched on a mountain…

DK: Robin Williams has fallen.

EI: And the tag line is “On a family vacation, no one can hear you scream.”

(Mortified silence.)

EI: Guess who directed RV?

JD: Oh no. Ivan Reitman?

DK: Please don't tell me it's Harold Ramis?

EI: No, close. Think!

JD: Abel Ferrara?

(Helpless laughter.)

EI: No. Barry Sonnenfield.

(Tragic silence.)

DK: If Abel Ferrara had directed it, the tag line would have been, “On a family vacation, no one can hear you jerk off onto a crucifix.”

(Even more helpless laughter.)

(Several minutes later.)

JD: By the way remember that tag line we made up for a remake of The Matrix? “The matrix is now in the matrix?” Right. I came up with another idea. Kid Matrix. Sort of like Spy Kids, but in the matrix.

EI: That’s great. Would that be violent enough?

JD: Sure.

EI: What about Karate Matrix? Like, you know, The Matrix has a lot of karate already, but this would really make sure there was karate in EVERY SCENE. Maybe it could star Chuck Norris…

DK: …and Gary Oldman.

(to be continued?)